Major changes

The changes in my life have been all-consuming lately. It wouldn't be this way if these changes weren't all happening at once. But I would like to embrace them as best I can.

I've decided to go in another direction with my education. Switching my major from bioengineering to applied linguistics was both an easy and a difficult choice. It was easy in the way that I knew I wasn't happy doing what I was currently doing and that a change needed to be made. It was easy in that I wanted to explore new options, and see what else was out there for me. It was difficult in that I didn't know where to go (and I still don't). I figure I'll just try out everything that I can and see where it all leads me. It was difficult in that I felt I'd be letting down so many people with my switch... but then I had to remind myself that it's not for them. It has to be for me. I am the only person that I will spend every moment of my life with, I may as well try and make it as enjoyable as possible. I now know it is time for me to try something new.

Along with the major switch, I am currently debating a transfer to a school closer to home that also has a better program in english and linguistics. I struggle with the best choice for me would be. Being closer to home would give me less of a chance to explore myself, but staying where I am would only give me less of a chance to explore other pathways. Ultimately, I feel that one should always go with the choice that scares them most, for that is the way to make the most change and growth. In this case, I'll have to see what a different school and a different major can offer me. In some ways it is less scary, too. I'd be closer to home and because of that, be able to see friends and family much more. The challenge will be to expand my bubble and try to meet all kinds of new people. The last thing I want is to be stuck. Stuck in one area, one way of thinking, one group of people, one mental space... expanding and challenging myself will always be the best course of action.

Speaking of trying new things and challenging myself, I have recently got a job as a white water rafting guide for the summer. This wonderful opportunity scares me as much as it excites me. Putting the safety of others into my hands is daunting enough without having to carry all of their trust while keeping them entertained. I guess that should be the most intoxicating part of it all: Testing my own skills and proving to myself that I CAN do this job. I believe in my own abilities and there will lie the proof. Besides the craziness that comes from being responsible for several strangers on a rushing river, I am eager to spend time outside enjoying everything the river has to offer. I am ready to see what comes!

For now, I'll keep doing my best to push myself as far as I can where I am. Wake up before six, workout, study, read, enjoy personal time: All part of my ideal to take the best care of myself. Finding balance in my life has always been a struggle for me, especially maintaining it for a long time. I keep charging ahead even if I make a mistake and try to find what will be the best for myself now and in the future. Currently, it looks like what I shared above. Workouts can be a walk or run around campus or going to the gym to lift weights. Studying by myself or with friends, in my room, in the library, are all good ways that I try to vary my studying methods. In the month of February, I have read six books and enjoyed them each so much. Currently, I am reading a book titled, "The parable of the sower." Which is absolutely confusing and fantastic at the same time. Personal time can be anything, anywhere, and for any amount of time. Sometimes I like to take the evening to have some tea, shower, and read. Other times, going out for a treat is the way to go. (Remember, balance is key) All of this to say that I only want to do better and better each day for the rest of my days.

Given all that I have currently going on, and the upcoming pieces in my life (even some not mentioned), I'm ready to take it all on. Or at least I will try. It can be scary, stressful, exciting, annoying, excruciating, but it will always be worth it. Like Nelson Mandela shared once, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. " I don't have to feel prepared or ready at all to take on the things coming at me.