Blast From the Past

The story of my hatred for Mayo is both a cautionary tale and a great introduction into the nutty mind of this author.

This wasn't my first time with lice. It was a common ailment for me as a child. As a three-year old with bright red, thick, curly hair, who had already had lice several times in the same year, it is safe to say that my mom was fed up. That was the time that I shaved my head, got rid of lice, and somehow when my hair grew back, I ended up with straight brown hair. But at least I didn't have lice, right? WRONG. So now, I am the lice police's most wanted for having escaped and I have no hair. Oh they would find me. That lice would come back to haunt me... in time.

The last time I had lice was the worst case of all. It was a dark and stormy night... I was six... and there was mayonaise sitting out. It was three years after the shaving of the head and I was now a full blown brunette. That lice had come back swinging harder and faster than ever. I remember sitting in the living room on the brink of tears as I watched a show about insane pools. My little sister, Sierra, and I had been going back and forth being combed for lice and having our little hairs ripped out of our little heads when a fight broke out and I was told to go shower. When I had returned mom had the mayo sitting out on the counter ready to go, along with a hair net. What I thought was a weird punishment turned out to be both my savior and my worst nightmare. (If any future parents are looking for a way to simultaneously torture their children and kill the lice off painlessly, please research the suffocation effects on lice by mayo.) So my head was completely lathered in mayo, ready to go to bed with my hairnet on, excited to finally be rid of this scalp sensation. And everything went smoothly. The lice had suffocated by morning and I was finally rid of them. But as I mentioned before, the lice had it out for me. They wouldn't let me go without some kind of torment.

Needless to say, that night had haunted me for the rest of my life and I avoid mayo at all costs. Do not laugh!! This is very serious! Imagine sleeping with the scent of warm mayonaise in your hair all night long, waking up to a crunchy, dried mayo on the sides of your cheek. It was very traumatic to say the least. I have not had lice or mayo since. I guess here is an icebreaker! Nice to meet you, my name is Savannah, and I have mayo trauma.